The decisions of when to come out, how to come out, and to whom to come out to are ones that only you can make. You can come out any way that feels right to you, even by sending a text message if that makes you more comfortable. There is no right or wrong way. Everyone’s journey is their own.

Even so (and this is our most important message in this blog post) it is vital that you know that you are not alone. You have support. You have help from mental health professionals and others. We’ll provide some links below.

When it comes to coming out, you can do things according to your own timeline. Nobody should force anyone else, or pressure anyone else, out of the closet. We want to provide you with some facts and information that you can use to consider your options. 

Psychological effects of staying in the closet

Generally speaking, being in the closet involves keeping a massive secret from the world. And keeping a secret can be incredibly stressful. Hiding parts of yourself can result in decreased cognitive capacity in many areas of your life. 

Many LGBTQIA+ individuals find that hiding their sexual orientation from the world makes them less effective across all domains of their lives. They spend significant amounts of time worrying about slipping up or revealing too much or feeling anxious about how their loved ones will react.

According to Dr. Marie Atallah, “Members of the LGBTQI+ community are often tasked with constantly appraising their situation and adapting to how much they can safely reveal of themselves. While this can be seen as an adaptive process, it places a great deal of mental and emotional strain on the individual.”

When this strain is also coupled with the pressures of keeping that part of who an individual is secret, it can lead to dissociation. As the Psychiatric Times puts it, clinical presentations “may lie somewhere in severity between selective inattention—most commonly seen in the case of self-aware patients thinking about “the possibility” that they might be gay–to more severe dissociation-—in which any hint of same-sex feelings resides totally out of conscious awareness.”

In addition to dissociation, The Psychiatric Times says, people who have not come out might also experience:

• Depression
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Fear
• Stress
• Thoughts of suicide

This is why researchers from the University of Montreal declared that “Coming out is no longer a matter of popular debate but a matter of public health.”

What happens when you come out?

We don’t wish to imply that coming out will automatically solve all of an individual’s mental health concerns. When someone comes out, there are a range of reactions and experiences that depend greatly on factors like:

• Cultural background
• Religious background
• Racial identity
• Geographic location
• Age
• Gender 

Within each step of the process of coming out, an individual needs support, love, and compassion.

While every coming out journey is unique, it often involves some or all of these experiences:

• Gradual testing of waters to see how people respond
• Increased disclosure to those who respond favorably initially
• Some rejection as the pool of people who know widens
• Increased support and validation from those who will become the strongest allies and advocates
• Opportunity and willingness to support others in their own coming out process

Even with support, many LGBTQIA+ people feel considerable anxiety after coming out. Others experience depression and other mental health challenges. 

As we have said in our blog, “Identifying as LGBTQIA+ does not directly contribute to depression and anxiety. However, due to contextual factors such as discrimination, rejection from peer groups, and societal stigma, LGBTQIA+ individuals are faced with an additional emotional burden.” 

Being surrounded by a network of people who are promoting acceptance, progressing policy, and dispelling stigma can help. For LGBTQIA+ people with symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other conditions, professional mental health care can make a huge difference.

What are the benefits of coming out?

Most LGBTQIA+ people who have come out report that coming out has made a significant positive impact on their lives. 

The previously mentioned study from the University of Montreal found that people who have chosen to be open about their sexual orientation tended to have less chronic stress and fewer symptoms of depression than those who remained in the closet. There is good evidence, too, that coming out has a positive impact on anxiety as well. 

Coming out allows for closer relationships with those with whom you are vulnerable and who respond with affirmation and care. Sharing information about your authentic self with a close friend or supportive family member provides opportunities to validate and deepen the connection.

Embracing your identity can also allow new networking opportunities to connect with other LGBTQIA+ identified people. There is a particular power in being surrounded by people who have common experiences and can offer affirmation. Having a network of friends who have lived through what you are experiencing can help your self-esteem and can be a big mental health benefit of coming out.

Another thing that can benefit your mental health after coming out is that it can facilitate the development of romantic relationships. Embracing yourself can make it easier to find and foster those connections.

Risks of coming out 

As you can see, there are many mental health benefits from coming out. However, there are also some associated costs and risks to be aware of. You may want to consider and prepare for them in advance. 

Risks of coming out include:

• Some invalidation by non-affirming people 
• Some rejection, possibly even by those who were close family members or friends
• Confirmation of worry that you would get hurt during the process 

If these risks are realized, there are ways you can overcome them. 

Here are a few tips on how to deal with the difficult consequences of coming out:

• Rejection and invalidation

Expecting 100% of the people in our lives to support us is unrealistic, and this can be true for many areas of life. 

Here’s something to consider: If someone is unwilling to support you, that is evidence that this is a person you need to draw a boundary with and keep at a distance. Sometimes, if this person was a previously close family member or friend, that can be really sad. Know that you can choose to grieve that relationship. The benefit is that you both learned who that person truly is and you now have the opportunity to invest time and emotional energy in people who are affirming. 

• Confirmation of worry that you would get hurt

When worries become true, it can be painful and make us want to shut down. Try to remind yourself that pain is a part of life and suffering only arises when we try to avoid unavoidable pain. If you want to live an authentic life, there are costs associated with that. 

Try asking yourself: Is the value of an authentic life worth the risk of pain along the way? You might find yourself saying yes. 

Resources for support 

Being open about who you are can have a positive impact on your self-esteem and self-confidence. While you may encounter hurtful people, you will also undoubtedly find many who love, support, and respect you for who you truly are. You will have a network of people supporting you.

Here are some resources you can turn to for support on your journey: 

The Trevor Project: Text START to 678-678 or call 866.488.7386 for free anytime 24/7 to speak to a Trevor counselor who is understanding of LGBTQ issues and won’t judge you. Your conversation will be anonymous and you can share as much or as little as you like.

Brightside Health: Our licensed therapists can help you cope and deal with whatever you’re going through. With unlimited messaging, virtual therapy sessions, and video lessons, you can overcome anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges: 86% of Brightside members feel better within 12 weeks. 

Start with a free assessment

The post Coming out and mental health appeared first on Brightside.

A successful entrepreneur and mother of three, Chelle had always dealt with social anxiety—but a painful and ugly divorce threw her deep into a paralyzing depression. She struggled with feelings of despair, and reached a point when she couldn’t even leave her house. With the help and encouragement of several concerned friends, Chelle finally sought treatment. This is Chelle’s depression and anxiety treatment experience with Brightside.

Chelle Lynn Temple

42 years old • Business Ops Consultant, COO • Las Vegas, NV • Brightside member

I have dealt with anxiety for many years. Social anxiety kept me from going out with friends and maintaining long term friendships. I avoided public speaking at all costs, which really held me back in my corporate career. Quite honestly, it was one of the many reasons I left my corporate job five years ago to start my own consulting firm, where I could grow a business in a way that kept me behind the scenes and out of the limelight.

My experience with anxiety & depression

I recently went through a very ugly divorce. I am not private about this at all and I think it’s a very significant part of my story. My separation and divorce lasted almost a year and half and exacerbated my underlying anxiety and depression symptoms. Life got pretty dark for a while and I even moved to another state to try and start over. It helped, but I was still struggling with getting out of bed every day, crying without any direct reason, and worrying constantly about everything. It was paralyzing.

As my anxiety and depression worsened, I felt like I was slipping away into a very dark place, and I really didn’t have any desire to leave that place.

Growing up in the mountains of Colorado, I have always been an active person, jogging and hiking for most of my life. As my anxiety and depression worsened, I felt like I was slipping away into a very dark place, and I really didn’t have any desire to leave that place. I had all but forgotten about the outdoors and being active. I stopped eating and lost 55 pounds. I was wasting away in the dark. It was scary and comfortable at the same time, which sounds odd, but I felt like the outside world was scarier than the darkness inside.

I now understand that is a big sign that something is wrong. I was in a new state, all alone, hiding in my house. This may not sound like much, except when you look back at who I used to be: a successful business consultant who traveled around the world almost every month, a mother to three beautiful kids, and a life full of friends and family. Where I was when I found Brightside was a far cry from who I was before.

Brightside helped me see massive changes in myself

In 2020, I started with online therapy with another telehealth company. It was great for validation of my personal issues and talking through solutions, but it didn’t address a much deeper layer that even I didn’t realize was there. I didn’t feel like it was fully addressing the whole issue.

By the time I found Brightside, I was literally not leaving my home at all. I had groceries delivered, food delivered, and Amazon was my best friend. I had fully retreated from the outside world and was crying every single day for no apparent reason. A couple of girlfriends checked in on me and encouraged me to see a doctor. They were very worried about where I was heading, and I was worried, too.

I chose Brightside because I liked that Brightside plans were affordable and accessible to me. As a solo entrepreneur, I only carry catastrophic health coverage (preventative coverage is too expensive), and had no mental health coverage. I also wanted to find care online because I was house-bound. I didn’t know that this type of mental health support was available online until I found Brightside.

I didn’t know that this type of mental health support was available online until I found Brightside.

During our first call, my Brightside Therapist instantly saw what was going on with me. I was a wreck and immediately started crying. He quietly listened and encouraged me to just talk. He made me feel safe in doing so and never made me feel rushed.

I like that my Brightside Therapist isn’t too “clinical.” Yes, he gives me clinical advice and asks clinical questions, but he’s real and caring and seems to be more focused on how my life is going. This approach feels much more safe and productive, moving me gently toward where I need to be.

My treatment experience with Brightside

Once I began treatment with Brightside, my symptoms improved almost immediately. Within a week I noticed I wasn’t crying for no reason anymore. Within a couple of weeks of treatment, I decided to hire a personal trainer in a private gym to jumpstart my activity—and now am active on my own. In April, I began to shift my business and actively pursue publicity and growth as the face of the company.

What I love most about Brightside is the dependability, routine, and genuine care. I know I can depend on my doctor to respond in a timely manner. My medication is sent on time each month without me having to do anything. I love the routine of the check-ins and monthly calls. It’s a predictable cadence that easily fits into my very busy schedule. I also appreciate the genuine care from my doctor. He never rushes me off our calls and always asks how my life is going.

I am 100% a Brightside success story. Without Brightside, my doctor, and medication, I never would’ve gotten out of my house and back to the active lifestyle I once had.

This is the best I’ve felt in years. Literally, I do not remember the last time I felt this good. Even in previous years when things were going well and I was being active, I still didn’t feel this clear and happy. I am 100% a Brightside success story. Without Brightside, my doctor, and medication, I never would’ve gotten out of my house and back to the active lifestyle I once had.

Fortunately, I haven’t met many obstacles on my path to treatment. However, I did find out the hard way that remembering to take my medicine regularly has to be a priority. “Out of sight, out of mind” is very true for me, so I had to develop a routine for remembering to take my medication daily.

I’m extremely pleased to report that, with treatment, I have gotten back to so many things I love doing. I’m jogging weekly and going on hikes in Red Rocks on the weekends. My business has been repositioned in a way that has put my face front and center, and I’m loving it. For the first time, I am not scared to be in the limelight, and I’m getting back to my active, outdoorsy roots.

There is no shame in seeking help

We live in a very high stress world that looks down upon those who struggle with diagnoses that aren’t tangible and visible. These “hidden” sufferings are killing people every day. We hide these things because we are shamed and unacknowledged for how real they are by those who can’t see or feel what we see and feel. I feel like if I had not received help when I did, my prognosis may have been very dark. We need to let others know that it’s okay and that it affects people just like them.

I decided to share my story because I want women who are struggling to know they aren’t alone and there are affordable and confidential options available to them.

I am a very successful, college-educated, award-winning, sought-after consultant and mother of three. Mental illness affects people just like me. Mental illness affects people different from me. You can’t just “snap out of it.” And it’s okay. You need real help in forms that work for you. Sometimes it’s therapy and sometimes it’s medication. I decided to share my story because I want women who are struggling to know they aren’t alone and there are affordable and confidential options available to them.

Personal essay by Chelle Lynn Temple

Thank you, Chelle, for sharing your journey with us. For more member stories, check out Marnie’s story, Annie’s story, and Joe’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our providers today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Chelle’s Story appeared first on Brightside.

Miosoti Pichardo

33 years old • Tech industry • NYC • Brightside member

I began to experience signs of depression about four years ago. Most days, I would wake up to my heart racing and my hands shaking. In the beginning, I wanted to just stay in bed and binge-watch Netflix. I wasn’t taking care of myself, and I was eating little to no food. I felt so helpless. Fast-forward to the present day, and I noticed that I was slipping into my old, depressive habits. That is when I knew it was finally time to seek help. 

Brightside’s affordable pricing appealed to me

Prior to Brightside, my experience with seeking treatment for depression was very brief. I went to a few therapy sessions and eventually stopped going because it was expensive, and I couldn’t afford it. After doing some research, I signed up for Brightside because the affordable pricing appealed to me.

“After doing some research, I signed up for Brightside because the affordable pricing appealed to me.”

So far, I have only had one session with my therapist. During that session, we had a conversation to assess my new medication. My doctor seems knowledgeable about the many medications available to treat depression, which puts me at ease. I feel like he listened to my needs and found a medication that helped me a great deal.

I noticed improvements in myself within the first four days of treatment. My day-to-day life has improved. I have been able to get regular daily tasks done, and I’m ready to plan for fun things in the future. I am also able to think more positively than negatively. Most importantly, I have regained my appetite, and eating does not feel like a burden. I love being social and hanging out with friends again. Saying yes to more spontaneous things has now become easy.

I can now afford to take care of my mental health

The hardest part of my recovery so far has been holding myself accountable. I sometimes have days when I start to feel a little down and reel myself in with some deep breaths and positive thoughts. “Mind over matter” is something I like to say to myself often to reduce negative thinking. I have worked hard to make myself healthy again and want to continue taking the necessary measures to stay that way.

“I have worked hard to make myself healthy again and want to continue taking the necessary measures to stay that way.”

Before Brightside, I was feeling lost and began to internalize negative emotions. I no longer wanted to see friends—or talk to anyone, for that matter. I just wanted to be alone all the time. Now I am feeling good! I am excited that this medication is helping me be a better version of myself. 

This experience with Brightside has been different than my previous experience seeking help for my depression because I have stuck with this treatment. I like the medication that my doctor prescribed, and the pricing makes it so I can afford to take care of my mental health regularly.

“I wanted to share my story because it is okay not to feel okay.”

I wanted to share my story because it is okay not to feel okay. Covering depression or using vices to nurse your sadness is not a good plan in the long run. I have dealt with mild to severe episodes of depression and am in no way perfect. I spent the past five years not taking care of myself, hiding from my sadness, and thinking I could handle it. Now, I feel most like my old self—the one I used to know and love.

Personal essay by Miosoti Pichardo 

Thank you for sharing your experience, Miosoti. For more member stories, check out Kyle’s story, Bridgett’s story, and Kaitlynn’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Miosoti’s Story appeared first on Brightside.

Marnie P.

26 years old • Data Analyst • NYC • Brightside member

My depression symptoms began six years ago when I was in college. During that time, I felt like nothing made me happy. My anxiety symptoms began more recently—around ten months ago—which was a very strange experience for me. My anxiety felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I would start to sweat, and, for a split second, I would get this feeling like everything was slipping out of control. Then, as quickly as it started, everything would go back to normal. I always thought that I could manage my symptoms on my own. However, when things began to spin out of control, I knew it was time to seek help. 

“My depression symptoms began six years ago when I was in college. During that time, I felt like nothing made me happy.”

Seeking depression & anxiety treatment

My mom had always encouraged me to see a therapist, but I was against it. I didn’t (and still don’t) like going to see someone in person and opening up to them about my life. Additionally, it is hard for me to make time for something I don’t particularly want to do. Signing up for Brightside is my first time seeking treatment for my depression and anxiety. I always thought people would think I was crazy if I went to see a therapist. In retrospect, I can’t believe I ever thought that. I wish I would have started sooner.

I like that with Brightside, I am allowed to speak to someone whenever I want—and as much as I want—with no pressure. It’s all up to me. If I need to chat, I’ll log in more often. When I’m feeling better, I don’t log in and chat as often. I like that it’s so flexible because it’s compatible with my busy schedule.

“I like that with Brightside, I am allowed to speak to someone whenever I want—and as much as I want—with no pressure.”

My doctor and I have only met once, and she was delightful. My therapist is the sweetest person. She helps me stay grounded and always makes me feel like my emotions are valid. She doesn’t make me feel ashamed of my feelings, and she is so understanding in every situation. My therapist just helps me feel at ease. I don’t feel like she’s judging me, and she is always willing to help. She has provided me with many resources to leverage for some of the different topics covered in our chats. I could not have been paired up with a better therapist for me, and I am grateful for that. 

Before Brightside, nothing worked for me

I tried to see a therapist once many years ago, and it was a horrible experience. I did not want to go in the first place, and I was not in the right state of mind to speak about things or receive information. He made me so upset because I felt like he was talking down to me. With Brightside, I have not had that experience. I have felt comfortable and safe talking to my therapist about anything and everything.

Before Brightside, I was miserable. Everything made me upset, and I couldn’t find enjoyment in any of the things I used to love. I didn’t want to play tennis anymore, go to work, hang out with friends, or even leave my apartment. Once I started treatment, it took about six or seven weeks to notice changes in myself. During the first three weeks, I experienced side effects from the medication. However, once my body acclimated, I started to feel so much better.

“My favorite part about Brightside is that it’s entirely up to me how much time and effort I want to dedicate to my mental health.”

My favorite part about Brightside is that it’s entirely up to me how much time and effort I want to dedicate to my mental health. I don’t feel pressure to talk if I don’t want to, and I feel very comfortable talking to my therapist about anything.

Facing my mental illness head-on

Recovery has also been challenging, too. It’s hard to talk about my feelings and experiences that pain me. I like to pretend some things didn’t happen. Those events shaped who I am today, and rather than hiding from them, I’ve found strength in revisiting them and facing them head-on. 

“My mental health is something that I have to continue to work on each and every day.”

I’m feeling great now, but still have room to grow. I think working on yourself is very important, and mental health is vital. My mental health is something that I have to continue to work on each and every day. I think that treatment has helped me enjoy spending time with people again. For a while, I wanted to be by myself or in smaller groups because I would get stressed out with bigger groups. Nowadays, I think I see the glass half-full rather than half-empty. I notice that I am much calmer and less likely to overreact. Every little thing would bother me in the past, and I was always so quick to see the worst in every situation.

I chose to share my story because I wish someone would have shared their story with me, and I wish I would have been more open to getting therapy sooner. If I can help one person by sharing my story, then it’s worth it to me.

Personal essay by Marnie P.

Thank you, Marnie, for sharing your story with us. For more member stories, check out Jacquelyn’s story, Bridgett’s story, and Kyle’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Marnie’s Story appeared first on Brightside.

Kyle M.

25 years old • Chef • Patchogue, NY • Brightside member

I’ve had minor depression for most of my life, and it’s always made me feel a bit disconnected from the people around me. I couldn’t quite understand how to talk to people. I was afraid that if I didn’t say a neutral opinion (or if I said something a bit strange or liking something others don’t), they would hate me, and I’d lose all my friends.

“I’ve had minor depression for most of my life, and it’s always made me feel a bit disconnected from the people around me.”

Depression affected every part of my life

My depression gradually became much worse over the years because of some personal trauma. When that flared up, I had trouble enjoying anything. I would sit at home, desperately wanting to enjoy doing something. Still, nothing ever seemed fun—even the things I loved doing. A new book, a video game I loved playing, a gentle jog on a mild spring day, a good cleaning day in the apartment–all felt pointless.  It felt like it didn’t matter, so why should I even bother?

“It felt like it didn’t matter, so why should I even bother?”

Instead of doing any of those things, I would mindlessly play on my phone. I’d waste time on Reddit, Facebook, or watch Youtube videos I didn’t care about or already had seen. I would lie awake at night because it felt weird to go to sleep and start a new day, still not having accomplished anything during the day I was presently in. Suddenly it would be 4 am, and I still didn’t feel happy, but I simply couldn’t stay awake anymore, so I would fall asleep.

“Depression affected every part of my life, even in minor ways. Everything I did was harder than it should have been.”

Depression affected every part of my life, even in minor ways. Everything I did was harder than it should have been. The weight of depression is so immense that it made me tired all the time. I was so emotionally exhausted that even if I felt good and wanted to go do something, I couldn’t. I kept thinking to myself, “I’m not sleeping enough” or “I need more coffee” or “I’ve been working hard lately.” But, no matter what I did, I was just, tired. I didn’t want to go out with friends, I didn’t want to go for a walk on a beautiful day, I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to sleep, but no amount of sleep was ever enough.

My girlfriend encouraged me to seek help

I sought help for the first time because I met a wonderful woman—my girlfriend, Alex. We have been together for two years now. We talk about a lot of things that have happened to me and how I feel day-to-day. She is the one that helped me through breakdowns where everything has gotten to be too much for me, and I just needed to cry in the shower for an hour or two. She also has depression and anxiety, and we both talked about seeking help. However, we both worked in the service industry and were afraid of having weird side effects or changes in our behavior at work (which I now understand was a completely unfounded fear, but most depression and anxiety fears typically are!). However, since we were both quarantined at the beginning of the year, we figured we would give it a shot together. She signed up first, and a week or so later, I finally decided that I needed to get the help I deserved, too.

“This was the first time I tried to get help, and I wish I would have done it years ago.”

This was the first time I tried to get help, and I wish I would have done it years ago. Brightside was really appealing to us. The fact that it’s all online made us feel really safe since we could do it from our bed without having to make appointments when we’re feeling up that we know we’ll never actually go to when we’re feeling down again.

Brightside helped me regain my confidence in the kitchen

I felt my symptoms improve about two or three weeks ago when I felt at ease for the first time in… well, I can’t actually remember the last time I felt at ease. For once, I could just do something and feel good about having accomplished something. Things stopped being such a chore and just felt like tasks.

“Things stopped being such a chore and just felt like tasks.”

I have always loved to cook, but whenever I’d cook for my girlfriend at home (or really anyone I cared about), I would get incredibly self-conscious about how the food tasted. I would often make the food poorly because I’d over-tweak things. Ever since my treatment, I’ve found the same confidence at home as I have in a professional kitchen. I know I’m a good cook—I’ve worked so hard for nearly a decade to be where I am, and I can finally feel that in my own kitchen without having to be in autopilot “work” mode. Something else I’ve realized is how, for a long time, I would listen to music that I liked before I felt the weight of my depression, and I listened to it because I used to like it. Before I sought treatment, I’ve realized that I wasn’t listening to the music because I still loved listening to it—I was listening to it in hopes that I could feel the same things I felt when I heard it before my depression. For the first time in over a decade, I can feel the music I love again.

My Brightside doctor makes me feel supported and secure

The thing I like most about Brightside is the fact that everything takes place online. My biggest fear of physically going into a doctor’s office was being judged. I was terrified of being told that I was crazy. I was scared that I would feel trapped in that room with the doctor, and even if I got up and left, I would have to walk past a receptionist who might be judging me. After that, I was afraid that I’d have to drive back home sobbing while trying to find the energy to go inside and eventually lay in bed for the rest of the day. Even if I managed to go to the doctor and take it seriously without trying to make bad jokes to hide my anxiety (which was always my go-to), there was a 95% chance that I would fill my prescription once and never do it again because I’d be scared people were judging me.

“The thing I like most about Brightside is the fact that everything takes place online.”

The ability to talk to my doctor online is a fantastic thing. From the first time I spoke with Dr. Behrens, I felt so secure. I knew if I felt nervous or scared at any point in that Zoom call, I could close my laptop, push it to the edge of the bed, and watch TV in the living room as if nothing happened. I never did that, but knowing I could “leave” the appointment but still be in my own home was fantastic. Merely being in my own bed, in my own room, with nothing stopping me from leaving, made me feel so safe.

Dr. Behrens has been incredibly helpful and supportive, mainly because I’ve had a very rough year (but who hasn’t, it’s 2020). I’d message him telling him about things that have happened in my life, like my dad getting colon cancer or putting down my 18-year-old cat, and he’d be there for me. When I’d fill out my check-in with notes about how I’m finally able to “sink” into a moment and enjoy myself, Dr. Behrens would reinforce how good that feeling is—especially in these times. He is just so kind and understanding.

“Knowing that a trained professional is there to help me at the tap of a phone is such a relief.”

I know that I could message Dr. Behrens at any time, and he would respond as soon as humanly possible. Most days, if it isn’t in the middle of the night, he replies to me in minutes. Knowing that a trained professional is there to help me at the tap of a phone is such a relief. It makes me feel like I’m never truly alone with my depression if things got bad.

I still have a way to go, but everything seems easier now

I can’t even begin to say how much better I feel these days. I still have a ways to go, but everything is so much easier now. Last week, my girlfriend and I went to the beach just before the sun came up to watch it rise over Lake Michigan. It was a magical moment that we got to share. Before my treatment, I wouldn’t have had the energy to go there that early or have had the mental grounding to just sink into that moment and enjoy it. I would have been too busy worrying about other things to grasp how beautiful that moment was and how lucky I am to enjoy it with the person I love.

I also feel like I can keep my apartment clean consistently, rather than just when I have my “good” days when I would spend the whole day deep cleaning. That simple act leaves so much more time to have fun every day. I don’t look at a mess or something I need to do and say to myself, “I don’t want to do that, I’ll do it later.” Instead, I do it without hesitation because now it’s easy for me.

“…my depression was keeping me from being as “me” as I really wanted to be.”

I’ve had a lot of challenges with my recovery as well. I was so afraid that antidepressants would change who I am as a person. I didn’t seek help for a while because I didn’t know how much of my personality was ‘me trying to hide my depression’ versus how much was actually me. Since then, I’ve realized that all of it was me—if anything, my depression was keeping me from being as “me” as I really wanted to be.

Take it from me—it can be so much better

Lately, I feel fantastic. I have so much energy to do what I love, and my personality can shine through like it did when I was a child. I don’t fear that people will stop liking me because I happen to like a TV show others don’t or disagree with them on a topic. I also feel like I can express my affection so much better. I recently reached out to a friend that I’ve had for about 6-7 years to tell him how much I value our friendship. We’ve always been pretty close, but not enough to really say something like that. I reached out to tell him how much I appreciated him and that I was happy that we remained friends long after we stopped working together and after I moved away. I was thrilled to find out he had the exact same feelings but didn’t want to say anything because I always seemed reserved, and he was afraid of making it weird. Expressing my love for my girlfriend without just saying “I love you” is also fantastic. It’s little things here and there, but being able to show affection without words or without saying the same thing over and over is beautiful.

“I have so much energy to do what I love, and my personality can shine through like it did when I was a child.”

I wanted to share my story because I thought it was important to tell people that things can be better. There is no reason to be scared to get the help you deserve because there is a bright light at the end of that dark tunnel, and there is no shame in hitching a ride. Any doctor can tell you the benefits of antidepressants and therapy. However, hearing it from someone who has experienced depression, suicide attempts, horrible lonely times, awful panic attacks, and over a decade of feeling empty inside every day—that’s how you know that it is real. It can be so much better. You can be happy, and you deserve to be happy, and Brightside wants to help you.

Personal essay by Kyle M.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Kyle. For more member stories, check out Marnie’s story, Christina’s story, and Joe’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Kyle’s Story appeared first on Brightside.

Kaitlynn W.

27 years old • Marketing Specialist • Denver, CO • Brightside member

I first began to experience the symptoms of depression and anxiety and depression in third grade. I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to feel that way until college, but finances kept me from pursuing medication. I had a brief period of antidepressants when I was in college, but that only lasted about three months. When I moved out to Colorado, I got back on antidepressants but changed jobs, then lost the insurance covering those antidepressants.

“I first began to experience the symptoms of depression and anxiety in third grade.”

Suddenly, I had a very exciting career opportunity, and I wanted to be in a good place to see it through. My job requires creativity, but the “tortured artist” thing doesn’t really work when you have deadlines to meet and promises to keep. I knew from past experiences that my anxiety and depression have the nasty ability to swallow me up and make it feel like I’m stuck in a grey fog.

Brightside has helped me see massive changes in myself

With treatment, I have been able to get back to doing the things I love, and exercise is the big one. We all know that regular exercise improves your mood. With my Brightside doctor’s help, I could get to a place emotionally where I could motivate myself to join a fitness program. The treatment has also positively impacted my mood, and I started to see improvements in about six weeks. I’ve been pairing Brightside with a wonderful therapist and seeing massive changes with my overall quality of life. It has made managing my depression and anxiety far more doable than before. I used to feel like I couldn’t count on myself to follow through, but now I can—and have!

“I’ve been pairing Brightside with a wonderful therapist and seeing massive changes with my overall quality of life.”

Brightside appealed to be because of its convenience and low cost. I love that with Brightside, I don’t need to think about it. The medication is on auto-ship, and check-ins with my doc happen after work when there is no stress and no hurry to get it over with. I love that I get reminders to do check-ins and that those check-ins only take a couple of minutes! It’s so crazy to me that I can have a 15-minute conversation with the kindest doctor ever from my apartment’s comfort—it’s nothing short of amazing. Plus, I didn’t need insurance to get care through Brightside. Honestly, the total cost is less than a gym membership, and I love that. The entire experience of Brightside is so low-key.

My Brightside doctor makes me feel comfortable

This is my third experience with seeking treatment for depression and anxiety. The first experience was at a free clinic (because I was a broke college student), which was efficient and non-threatening but way out of the way. Hence, it was challenging to keep up with appointments. The second experience was great because I could communicate with my doctor via email. However, filling my prescription was kind of a pain because I had to remember to get it shipped or go pick it up. That’s kind of hard when you’re working on balancing the chemicals in your brain!

“My Brightside doctor is so kind and patient, and I feel comfortable enough to ask any questions I may have.”

My doctor is so kind and patient, and I feel comfortable enough to ask any questions I may have. This is terrific because it’s helped me learn the difference between depression symptoms and other bodily struggles. The biggest thing that he’s helped me feel comfortable with is taking medication. My doc is fantastic at describing different ways medication affects the body, so I know what to expect and what to bring up if there’s an issue. Truth be told, this is the first time I’ve seen a male doctor for depression. I had this awful preconception that he would be less understanding than a female doctor. Not true. I couldn’t be happier with him! 

Learning to accept help has been key to my recovery

The biggest challenge in my recovery was a willingness to accept that my brain really benefits from this help. I wanted to appear strong and invincible, but now I know that it’s okay that I’m not. I have no problem taking aspirin for a headache. I certainly wouldn’t fault someone for taking any other medication, so learning that it’s okay to accept help in the form of a kind doctor and regular prescription was challenging but definitely worth it.

“I have chosen to share my story because I know other people out there who, like me, are smart and successful but feel like they need some support—and I want to tell them it’s okay to ask for help.”

Right now, I feel like I’m in a really good place. I have chosen to share my story because I know other people out there who, like me, are smart and successful but feel like they need some support—and I want to tell them it’s okay to ask for help. I consider myself a pretty strong and resilient person, and I also take antidepressants. That doesn’t make me any less strong, it’s just a part of being a healthy me. 

Personal essay by Kaitlynn W.

Thank you, Kaitlynn, for sharing your journey with us. For more member stories, check out Marnie’s story, Annie’s story, and Joe’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Kaitlynn’s Story appeared first on Brightside.

Jacquelyn H.

31 years old • Community Development Manager • Austin, TX • Brightside member

I can’t pinpoint when my depression started. I remember seeing a post online where someone remarked that adulthood is feeling apathetic about everything. The comment below said, “That’s not adulthood, buddy—that’s depression.” Suddenly, it hit me for the first time: am I depressed? I don’t feel sad, I’m not crying in my bed all day—I can’t be depressed. Or can I? That realization is what kick-started my journey; I realized my perception of depression was incorrect.

“Suddenly, it hit me for the first time: am I depressed? I don’t feel sad, I’m not crying in my bed all day—I can’t be depressed. Or can I?”

Seeking depression treatment

I decided to seek help because I noticed how much life I had slowly let pass by. I felt like a shell of the person I used to be, and I didn’t want to let another day pass by feeling nothing inside. I did some research about ways to get treatment online and found Brightside through my search. Due to COVID-19, it was nearly impossible to get into an office, and Brightside offered me a place to start right away. That decided it, and I signed up.

Signing up for Brightside was my first time seeking treatment for depression. Thankfully, I clicked right away with an excellent therapist. Dr. Gruenebaum is fantastic. From our first FaceTime session, I felt that he was super relatable. I am usually reserved, and he worked with me to make sure I felt comfortable sharing my journey. It was such a safe space with zero judgment on what I shared during our sessions.

“Dr. Gruenebaum is fantastic. From our first FaceTime session, I felt that he was super relatable. I am usually reserved, and he worked with me to make sure I felt comfortable sharing my journey.”

Dr. Gruenebaum has helped me get back to doing the things I enjoy! He has also helped keep things in perspective for me. In the past, I have struggled with wanting to feel better “faster,” and every time he brings me back to reality and explains it in a way that I understand. He helps me recognize that this is a recovery journey. Much like a broken bone, I must trust in the healing process and give the medication time to work.

Brightside helped me feel again

The thing I like most about working with my Brightside therapist is his ability to relate to my life. With previous doctor visits, I always left feeling rushed and not heard. I knew that I was missing critical information and questions when I tried to give them eight weeks of information in a one-minute synopsis. Then, when I left the doctor’s office, my brain decided to remember an important question, and I would be forced to wait another eight weeks to get an answer. This pattern was frustrating to me because it felt like my doctor should take my health more seriously. With Brightside, I feel like my health is my therapist’s top priority. He never makes me feel rushed like I often feel while in a doctor’s office. I don’t feel the pressure of another patient waiting for their session after mine—he is focused on me and takes the time to be thorough.

I also love the option to check-in regularly. I don’t have to remember eight weeks of feelings, questions, and information with this option. Instead, my therapist checks in with me frequently, and if I have a question, I can message him right away. 

Seeking treatment has helped me feel again! I find joy in the little things, and I have also learned that it’s okay to celebrate the small victories of treatment. So many things are enjoyable to me now. I could go on and on, but I’ll try to keep them to a quick list. I now enjoy playing guitar and singing, working out, finding new trails and hikes, going out with my friends, feeling comfortable in my own skin.

“Seeking treatment has helped me feel again! I find joy in the little things, and I have also learned that it’s okay to celebrate the small victories of treatment.”

I also love every aspect of Brightside. I like that my prescription comes automatically to my mailbox. I don’t have to think about refills or go to the pharmacy to pick it up. I also like that I can message my therapist any time, and he always responds quickly. No question is too small, and he always responds with a simple answer. I don’t have to research what he means because he makes it so clear to me.

I know I still have a long way to go

Currently, my biggest challenge is being hard on myself for not improving “quickly enough.” I feel like I should work harder or do more, and it’s so nice to have my therapist there to talk to and remind me to be kind to myself. I am doing enough, and each day we get a few steps closer to feeling great.

Before Brightside, I felt like a shell of a human being. On the outside, I felt like my body was going through the motions, but I felt numb inside. Externally, everything in my life appeared to be perfect, and the best it had ever been, but internally, I had no spark. 

My fiancé commented on my singing while cooking dinner the other night, and that was the moment I knew I was on the right track. Not only was I cooking a fresh meal, but I was also absentmindedly singing again. I am so happy with myself for starting this journey and recognizing that I needed help. Since starting my journey, I can see the improvements, and the regular check-ins give me a clear vision of my progress so far. I know that I still have a way to go, but I love seeing how far I’ve come.

“I am so happy with myself for starting this journey and recognizing that I needed help.”

I have chosen to share my story because treatment is a long journey, and I like being able to have someone by my side as I navigate. It’s nice to know that I have someone there who can help me when I stumble and remind me that my depression is not my fault.

Personal essay by Jacquelyn H.

Thank you, Jacquelyn, for sharing your journey with us. For more member stories, check out Marnie’s story, Kyle’s story, and Bridgett’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Jacquelyn’s Story appeared first on Brightside.

Bridgett V.

Graduate Student • Registered Dietician • Boise, ID • Brightside member

My earliest memories of anxiety attacks and sleepless nights began in elementary school. Back then, I had anxiety over assignments and relationships. In early high school, my anxiety and depression became a lot more intense, with symptoms appearing more heavily and frequently, including self-harm behaviors. Even with all of these symptoms and behaviors, I didn’t begin therapy for another five years and didn’t get my first SSRI prescription for another three. 

“My earliest memories of anxiety attacks and sleepless nights began in elementary school.”

COVID-19 helped me find Brightside

At the beginning of 2020, I began having persistent and devastating depressive episodes that put myself and my partner at risk of my harmful behaviors. My therapist began pushing me to seek reevaluation on the clinical side of things to see if, perhaps, a transition was in order. Just as I was ready to reach out, however, the pandemic set in, and I could no longer access local treatment in this way.

“At the beginning of 2020, I began having persistent and devastating depressive episodes that put myself and my partner at risk of my harmful behaviors.”

During this time, I felt extremely low, and my depression symptoms were at an all-time high. I felt unmotivated, fatigued, weak, slow, anorexic, and had suicidal ideation—the whole gamut. My anxiety was through the roof in ways I couldn’t even comprehend. Most significantly, I had issues of control, agitation, and irritation. All of these feelings were affecting my productivity, career success, relationships, and health.

My experiences with therapy have been up and down. I’ve been receiving therapy treatment through various mediums since about 2013, to varying degrees of success. Between 2016 and 2019, I was using Talkspace remote therapy, and it was very hit-or-miss (with emphasis on the miss) with therapists that I didn’t click with.

One day, I saw a Brightside ad on Instagram and saved the post. After a couple of days of mulling it over, and conceding that in-person treatment wasn’t feasible, I signed up. 

I love that I can be completely honest

From 2016 until starting with Brightside, I took a daily low dosage of an SSRI prescribed by a general practitioner. After beginning with Brightside, my symptoms began to improve about a week after each change in medication (I’ve had about three changes in medication so far).

What I like most is having a doctor who works with me on an individual level and respects who I am as a person, with whatever needs and feelings I bring to the table. When I had a harmful panic attack during treatment, my doctor responded early the next day and made sure I was taken care of and gave helpful suggestions. When I was hesitant to agree to another anxiety medication because of common weight gain side effects, she was completely understanding and suggested an alternate medication.

“What I like most is having a doctor who works with me on an individual level and respects who I am as a person, with whatever needs and feelings I bring to the table.”

In the past, I’ve felt afraid to be completely honest with doctors about the extent of my depression and anxiety and how dangerous I am to myself. I was worried they would question me and place me in a hold for saying the wrong thing. With my current doctor, I feel safe, understood, and not at risk of being judged or at-risk of something happening to me involuntarily.

Treatment is challenging but worth it

My recovery has also had some challenges. I have had times when I would worry about being affected by my medication’s side effects, such as dizziness, low blood pressure, sleeplessness, fatigue, and confusion. My doctor has always been happy to talk about my concerns and closely monitored my condition each day until I felt back to baseline.

My treatment really helped me when the pandemic-induced self-isolation really started to hit hard. Even before quarantine, I was hitting lower lows very frequently (relative to the year before) and was really losing steam. The treatment has helped me feel more in control and “lighter” than I’d previously been feeling. Since beginning treatment, it has become more natural to self-motivate to work on projects, be proactive in my social life, and accept self-care.

“My treatment really helped me when the pandemic-induced self-isolation really started to hit hard.”

Currently, I feel a lot more “normal.” I’m able to think through problems clearly without overwhelm, get out of the house to exercise with my dog, and more. I also feel less burdensome to myself and others, and in a far better place mentally.

I decided to share my story because I figure it doesn’t hurt to share. I try to stay open and honest about my struggles in my personal life, especially struggles with my mental health. I want those looking for a familiar story to see that they aren’t alone. I want others to know there are ways to improve life, and that the effort is worth it.

Personal essay by Bridgett V.

Thank you, Bridgett, for sharing your story with us. For more member stories, check out Kyle’s story, Jacquelyn’s story, and Kaitlynn’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Bridgett’s Depression and Anxiety Treatment Experience appeared first on Brightside.

Dr. Constance Guille, MSCR, an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at MUSC, sat down with us to answer our questions about infertility, loss, and how to cope with the difficult emotions that may arise.

Dr. Guille, what are some of the emotions that women experience when struggling with infertility and loss?

Dr. Guille: Women struggling with infertility or experiencing multiple miscarriages describe a wide range of emotions. There is almost always a profound sense of sadness and grief related to the loss of becoming a mother and growing a family. There is also commonly anger and resentment for being the one to deal with this problem. Some women feel a tremendous sense of guilt or shame as if there is something fundamentally wrong with them or their bodies or that they have done something wrong to ‘deserve this.’ Some women vacillate between feeling numb and experiencing excruciating emotional and psychological pain, loneliness, or despair.

How do these emotions affect a woman’s ability to cope during this difficult time?

Dr. Guille: Weathering these intense emotions and the psychological rollercoaster of dealing with infertility can take a toll on a woman’s emotional and physical health, one’s sense of self and relationship with a significant other, and, at times, friends and family. Just as there is a wide range of emotions one can experience as a result of infertility and loss, there are myriad ways to cope.

For many women, they turn to avoidance behaviors. Avoidance behaviors only prevent you from processing grief and prolong the misery. For some, there is fear that if they allow themselves to really feel the pain of loss, they will never recover. They imagine they will never stop crying, or it will never stop hurting. Grief has a way of never stopping until we really feel it, embrace it and let it go. This allows us to fully digest the loss, and once we do, we can then let it go. Trusting in this process with a loved one or professional can be very helpful in moving through grief.

How does someone cope with these difficult emotions? Are there ways to cope in a healthy manner?

Dr. Guille: The greatest challenge is finding the path that allows you to fully mourn this loss and move forward in a way that is in line with the life you want to live. There are some fundamental elements to this process.

You must first identify how you cope. What do you do when you feel all of this? Commonly, and understandably, women want to avoid these feelings. Avoidance can take on many forms. Sometimes, avoidance may look like not going places or seeing people because they remind you of this misery. Other times, you have a glass or two of wine, beer, or whatever, or you throw yourself into your work or activities that keep your mind busy. Avoidance behaviors only prevent you from processing grief and prolong the misery.

Not avoiding, however, feels insurmountable when you don’t have the tools to cope. This is often another place where I see women entering treatment or therapy. They recognize that their avoidance is not actually working to help them, it often hurts them, but they can’t seem to find any other way to cope that feels safe or alleviates their pain.

Good emotional, psychological, and physical health builds on a very basic foundation of getting good sleep, eating well, drinking water, and exercising regularly. These behaviors foster and support resilience and the strength needed to tackle these strong emotions, grief, and difficult conversations with your partner, friends, and family.

Should women who are dealing with infertility and loss ask for support from friends and family?

Dr. Guille: Yes, absolutely. Recognize that you are not alone, and no one should walk through these life experiences without support. In my experience, women often come to me because they have never in their lifetime had to ask for help or rely on others for emotional, psychological, or physical help. Helping women become clear on what sort of support they want and need, identifying who is the best person to ask for help and how best to ask for help in order to get your needs met is often the first step in building supports.

If you or someone you love is struggling with coping after infertility or loss, do not hesitate to reach out. Click here to get connected with one of our providers today.

Dr. Constance Guille is an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at MUSC. Dr. Guille completed her psychiatry residency training and sub-specialty training in perinatal psychiatry at Yale University. She established and is currently the Director of the Women’s Reproductive Behavioral Health Program at MUSC. The mission of the program is to improve the mental health of pregnant and postpartum women through clinical care, education, teaching, and clinical research.

Natalist makes beautiful, evidence-backed fertility and pregnancy essentials. Their team of moms has been there and is making the journey better for others.

The post Dr. Constance Guille Talks Grief & Coping After Infertility and Miscarriage appeared first on Brightside.

Every person’s journey with anxiety and depression is unique. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, but we strive to bring awareness to these mental health conditions and the people who suffer from them every day.

Today we are spotlighting Marnie Perez Ochoa’s mental health journey. When Marnie was 24, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Marnie had suffered from symptoms of depression and anxiety in college, but her mother’s cancer diagnosis a few years later made her symptoms unbearable. This was when she knew it was time to seek help. Here is her story.

Marnie Perez Ochoa

26 years old • Data Analyst • NYC • Brightside member since January 2020

I first experienced symptoms of depression in college. As much as I wanted them to, the symptoms never really “went away,” and I just learned how to manage it myself. I never really did anything to work on it because I thought going to the doctor or taking medication meant you were crazy. 

A few years ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the symptoms became unmanageable. During the same time, I was also going through a break up with someone I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with. Those two events were so difficult for me, and experiencing them at the same time caused me to lose control of my thoughts and emotions. Those feelings created a sense of panic and uncertainty that I had never really experienced before. I later came to realize that this feeling was anxiety. I was getting panic attacks at work, and stressful situations became too overwhelming for me. My depression fed my anxiety and vice versa. 

To some degree, I have always experienced symptoms of depression. However, they became unbearable when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. After that happened, I cried all the time and couldn’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

My mom is my best friend, and her diagnosis left me devastated. In my mind, cancer was synonymous with death, and nothing made me happy anymore. Then the break up happened and I felt like I had lost another one of my best friends. It was just too much for me to deal with at once, and I remember everything feeling so painful and sad. I remember writing in my journal that I didn’t understand anything and that there was no point in any of this. 

Thankfully, my mom made a full recovery, and she is now cancer-free! Even with this good news, I struggled to find happiness within myself. I still struggled to find myself and feel “good enough” again. 

I started traveling frequently, and it got to a point where I was never home. I ended up having an issue with some close friends on a trip overseas, which resulted in paying a fortune to fly home early. This experience exposed horrible feelings of self-doubt and loneliness, and I remember feeling so lost and alone. 

After this experience, my mom became concerned about me. “My mom had always encouraged me to see a therapist, so I started looking online for teletherapy options because I was uncomfortable with the idea of talking face-to-face with a stranger about my most intimate thoughts. When I came across Brightside, I loved that I could do it from home and at my own pace.” I officially became a Brightside member in January 2020.

Throughout this process, I have learned that recovery is hard work. In therapy, the questions you get asked and ask of yourself are hard to face. You must have an open mind and be willing to grow. You must also accept that there are both things within your control and things that are out of your control. Focusing on those things that you can control is so crucial because those are the things you can change. 

I’ve also learned that antidepressants can cause some side effects while your body gets used to taking medication. The beginning was difficult, but after that initial rough patch, taking medication has made me feel much better. 

I now know that I had it all wrong before. For a long time, I didn’t seek help because I was worried that people would think I was crazy or that something was wrong with me. Now looking back, I was crazy for not getting help sooner! 

Having an open dialogue about mental illness is super important because so many people think the way I used to think. That broken thought process is preventing them from seeking help and getting better. 

I also hate that there is such a negative connotation around mental illness. There is really nothing to be ashamed about if you or a family member suffer from a mental illness. If people were more open-minded, we could end this stigma around mental illnesses. Ending the stigma means that people can get the help they need before it’s too late and their illness affects themselves and others. 

If I had heard about more people like myself who were struggling with reality, then maybe I would have been more open and willing to seek help sooner. If I can help anyone by sharing my journey with anxiety and depression, then it’s worth it to me. It is important for people to know that they are not alone and that they can make it through anything.

Personal essay by Marnie Perez Ochoa

Thank you, Marnie, for sharing your journey with us. For more member stories, check out Christina’s story, Annie’s story, and Joe’s story. If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone. Talking about these illnesses is the first step towards destigmatizing the topic of mental health. Get connected with one of our doctors today to figure out if Brightside is right for you.

The post Member Spotlight: Marnie’s Story appeared first on Brightside.